“That pussy whipped little bitch, he never wants to hang out any more. Sold out. I’m never gonna do that when I get a girlfriend” – me, circa 2010-2013.
Yeah fucken right.
It’s 2016 and I have a girlfriend and I put her in front of all my old guy friends.
It’s life, it happens.
We usually find a partner and our old mates get pushed to the side.
I thought I’d never do this. But here I am in 2016 and I am doing it haha.
And I’m entitled to do it might I add.
It is my choice to decide who I spend my precious time with on this Earth, just like it is everyone else’s.
Including my old friends who used to do this to me.
Back in 2010-2013 things like this used to make me feel replaced and sad.
I would call my mates “pussy whipped” in my head as if it would make me feel better.
It never did. I just wanted my old friends back.
Sorry if I was ever weird to you because we didn’t hang out like we used to, I was just missing the good old times.
I used to hold grudges too.
If someone pissed me off or upset me I used to cut them off.
No more talking.
I don’t know you.
I don’t think about you.
Your phone number would possibly be deleted from my phone and I would most likely not be very warm to you if I saw you out. (Man, I used to be a real bitch).
This is how I used to deal with people that hurt me. By getting back at them by deleting them from my life.
You have hurt me and now I’m gone. Bye, bye.
Reacting like this to someone that had hurt me didn’t make me tough or help me to get even, it actually made me ignorant and bitter.
And being bitter towards others is about as smart as trying to drink poison and hoping the other person dies.
Really this just shows that I was fragile and hurt.
As a child I was never properly taught how to deal with people that hurt me. And that’s okay because those that could have taught me most likely did not even know how to do it themselves.
Self reliance is the answer.
(It’s actually usually always the answer haha).
The ability to make the conscious decision to forgive.
To set myself free and grant myself inner peace.
(Did I mention that there is absolutely no better feeling than inner peace? Imagine complete inner calmness and ease at all times. The heaven we posses within us all).
However, inner peace comes at a price.
You must change your actions.
You must forgive EVERYONE that has ever hurt you and CONTINUE to forgive others that will hurt you in the future.
If you don’t think you can do this at least be willing.
Be willing and let the universe guide you to figure out the rest. We are all completely capable of doing this.
It will get easier as you begin to make it a habit.
But you must firstly try to make it a habit.
Here is a list of hacks to help you to forgive ANYONE in your life RIGHT NOW, this very second, today:
1. I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be:
This helps to put the problem back on yourself and take the heat off of the other person.
You wanted this person to act a certain way and they did not act in that way and instead
they you let them hurt you.
You are trying to control them.
That is selfish.
“Man, I could only be happy IF Johnnie just did X,Y,Z”.
This is bullshit.
You can always be happy, right now and in any moment.
Let go of trying to control others and understand that you control your own happiness.
STOP and CONSIDER.
You are tense over a crisis.
Where is the tension?
The only place it can be..
Within your own mind.
I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be.
2. Remember that we can only act a certain way in each moment due to all of our previous experiences combined:
If someone acts a certain way, this is all they knew to do at that exact moment in time.
For example YOU can only act a certain way, right now, in this very moment due to all of your past experiences.
How can you blame someone for their hurtful actions when they have not been fortunate enough to have received previous experiences that could have caused them to use better judgement?
(Warning. Serious epiphany below).
Remember that if you had had all of the exact same experiences of the person that has hurt you and you were born on the same day as them, you looked the exact same as them, you had the same parents as them and you had completely walked in their shoes up to the point in time that they had hurt you, YOU TOO WOULD HAVE DONE THE EXACT SAME THING AS THEY DID IN THAT MOMENT.
HOW COULD YOU ACT ANY OTHER WAY?
If you were that person, you would have acted in the exact same way because that is all you would have known to do in that very moment!
3. No one was born perfect.
No one was born perfect.
Even you yourself are imperfect. To take anger out on others for imperfections is HYPOCRITICAL.
I think the buck stops here on this point.
To get mad at others for imperfection means that we should get angry at our own selves for we too are imperfect and that’s just stupid. Plus I don’t really like getting angry at myself.
4. The people that are hardest to love, generally need it the most:
Do you know exactly what that other individual may have been going through in their life when you let them hurt you?
They may have had great pain inside.
Pain is pain and it can cause us to act irrational.
Mental pain activates the same parts of the brain when we feel physical pain.
Have forgiveness for others that act irrationally as they may be in great pain that you do not understand or know about.
5. Does this actually have to hurt me?
As long as it is mental pain and anguish, the answer is always NO!
This never has to hurt you unless you allow it to.
Try and stay conscious next time you are offended.
Consider who is actually offended?
Which is your false self.
Something you are trying to protect.
An insecurity of yours that has been poked.
Remove your insecurities and live free.
Realise that you actually do not HAVE TO GIVE A FUCK if someone says something to you.
You really DO NOT HAVE TO CARE!
Be awake and see this.
You are free as long as you choose to be!
REALLY STOP AND CONSIDER THIS TODAY.
6. You are not condoning this behaviour by forgiving someone, you are instead freeing yourself:
I know that some may argue, “but if I forgive this person how will they learn a lesson?”.
“Won’t they just do it to the next person?”
An extremely good and valid point.
And I have one quote that deals with this.
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world” – Ghandi.
You are not the universal sheriff.
You were not put here to establish law and order. To deal out punishment and justice.
You are not the Chuck Norris of cosmic order.
Leave this up to dhamma (cosmic order).
Instead be the change you want to see in the world.
If you want others to stop a wrong doing, you must not do the wrong doing yourself.
Be the change you want to see.
This is how you raise awareness.
On the individual level. It stays here and it starts here.
Do not force others to change. That will only bring pain and misery to both parties.
Instead BE the change you want to see.
Others will see this and take note.
Remember monkey see, monkey do.
You are the make up of the top 5 people you hang around.
Your influence on others is stronger than you think.
7. Other people have forgiven others for far worse doings:
Louis Zamperini, an ex-Olympic long distance runner and a former prisoner of war from World War II is a great influential example of someone that has forgiven others of great, great torment.
He was poorly mistreated as a prisoner of war by the Japanese army who repeatedly beat him, starved him and put him to work as a slave.
After his release he used to have nightmares of strangling his former captors because his previous experiences were so bad.
He drank to forget his problems.
His wife encouraged him to see the light within Christianity (I myself am not a Christian, but I do believe it helps many, many people).
Following this, he forgave his captors and the nightmares ceased.
Zamperini even went as far to visit his former captors in Sugamo Prison in Tokyo.
Here Zamperini expressed his forgiveness and in response many of his former captors became Christians themselves (an example of being the change you want to see in the world).
You can forgive anyone of anything. Let go of your nightmares and be free. It is the only way to more inner peace.
Who are you going to forgive today? Leave me a comment saying who and your chances to forgive this person will increase because you have written it out.